Leaky Roofs

I just sent in my check to the ALS foundation, and no I didn’t                                                             do the challenge, I just wrote a check. I heard that some
tech guy in California gave $100,000. All I could afford was
$10, so I wrote the check, and I’ll mail it tomorrow. I feel
better for my generosity.

Find this and other stories in Cornfields To City Streets!
Now, back to my problems. I’ve got a leaky roof from
the heavy snowfall. Roofs do an O.K. job when you ask them
to do what they’re supposed to do. Most of the time, it’s not an
issue. You get an inch or two of rain, no problem. It runs off
your roof, into the gutter, down the length of the gutter, and
into and out of the downspout, onto the ground, and out of
your life. That’s the way it’s supposed to happen.
                                                      Mountains of Snow
However, if you put a couple feet of snow and ice
upon the shingles, and it’s an entirely different ballgame.
Things don’t work so well when your rooftop looks like Sir
Edmund Hillary is gonna climb it for a world record. This is
where my problems began, or so I thought.
So, I felt relieved when I heard my Eph, my Father-in-
Law, explaining how he had climbed on top of his own roof…
and pushed off the snow. Now, I didn’t dare mention that I
had already tried that, and fell off. No, I just kept my big mouth                                                    shut and nodded my head at the correct times. You’re
better off that way.

1.) If I had told my story, I would’ve
gotten into trouble from my wife- for being on the roof.

2.) If I had told my story, my Father-in-Law would’ve thought I was
a worthless idiot for not completing the job, and protecting his
baby girl, along with our house and home. I did not want
either of these outcomes, and neither would you. So, as I just
So anyway, I’m sitting there, and he’s telling his story,
and I’m just feeling terrific. Why? Because I know that he’s
coming into town tomorrow, that’s why. And I know that
when he drives by to see how his little girl is living, he’ll see
the mountain of snow living on our roof. And you know what,
he’ll feel inclined to climb up there, and push it off. Actually,
inclined would be a gentle way of putting it. In reality, he will
feel OBLIGATED to do it. And at this particular moment in
time, that’s alright with me. Remember, I already fell off the
stupid thing. So by all means, have at it… this means less
broken bones for me.
Well, we sit there, listening to his story, and drinking
coffee. This goes on for maybe an hour, and then, we leave to
go home. As we pull in the drive, my dear sweet girl
complains about the snow up on the roof. As I recall, I think I
nodded my head, and made some kind of remark. I think that I
said something about it melting off early, yeah right. I knew
better. I knew that the ‘ole boy would be over soon enough,
and that my snow removal problems would be over. How
could I know, my real problems had only just begun.
So, the evening comes and goes. I get up, and I’m at
work all day, wondering if my roof still looks like a ski resort.
After a long day, I get in the car, and start to find my way
towards home. I pull in the drive, and… the snow is gone, as
are the gutters and downspouts from the front of the house.
Aluminum and snow, all crumpled into a big pile, fill a nice
sized portion of the front yard. Although I’m not exactly sure
what happened, I’ve got a pretty good idea. I brace myself,
and walk inside.
As I enter the house, my wife is in tears, worried sick.
Evidently, Eph fell off of our roof. falling off roofI feigned surprise, and
asked, “Why was he up there”? It was at this moment,
however, that Kimberly threw me a curveball. She asked me
why I didn’t clean off the roof, BEFORE her dad decided to
do it himself. Whew! Thinking on my feet, I explained that I
HAD tried, several days ago; but that I too, had fallen off the
roof. Well, that was the wrong answer, although I still didn’t
know what would’ve been the right one.
As it turned out, I was now in BIG trouble. Not only
am I in trouble for getting on the roof, I’m also in trouble and
solely responsible for not warning my Father-in-Law about the
impending danger, and allowing HIM to get on- and then fall
off the roof. Next, there’s the missing downspouts and gutters,                                                  which must now be replaced. Also, to make matters worse, we
now have a leaky roof. This was caused by an “ice dam”. As it
turns out, ice trapped up on top of the gutter, underneath the
mountain of snow, makes it possible for any and all water to
become hopelessly trapped, finding its way into our living
room. From what I hear, the best remedy for this problem, is
to keep the snow and ice off of your roof. Before it builds up.
Now, for the grand finale. Our insurance deductible is
higher than our highest damage estimate. Imagine that. Which
brings us to, my beleaguered checkbook. Now, about the ALS
challenge… seriously, $10 is all I can afford right now.
However, if you would like to add, to your own blessings, feel
free to donate to the “Our Leaky Roof” fund…

Until then, I’m writing to you from my desk, inside of the house with a leaky roof, that                   has gutters and downspouts in the front yard.

Have a wonderful day!

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